It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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