I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize