I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
