he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
