you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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