Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
4 words: hood of his car
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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