I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize