I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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