There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
