i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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