i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize