Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
