Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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