Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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