i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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