Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
