this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
