and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
