I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize