Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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