Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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