ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
