Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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