Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize