Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
