I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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