I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
