she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
