Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Randomize
