Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
