wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
