just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize