dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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