the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
