we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
