I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
