I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
