right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
