i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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