I accidentally had phone sex last night
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
