Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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