I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
