dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize