I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
