he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
