when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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