Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
