I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
