in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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