She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
