So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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