Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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