I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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