your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
