ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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