So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize