I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
