i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
