fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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