I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
