Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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