I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
