i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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