hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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