Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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