Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize
