That's intense
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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