whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
