Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
