This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
how do you play pong handcuffed?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
