sarcasm needs its own font
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
