Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
