Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
