The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
