i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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