The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
