I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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