I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i think i just lost a toe
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
