Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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