Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
