i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize