i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm passing your future prison.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
