My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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