So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
