If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
