I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize