Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
