sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
