I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
