i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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