This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
they're like a gay fantastic four
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
