Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
