just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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