Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Swine flu is the new snow day.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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