Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
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