After last night, I could never be a politician.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
