Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
