What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize