Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
