just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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